


Somewhere Else

by messyfanworks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Feelings, Human Castiel, Newly Human Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 09:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messyfanworks/pseuds/messyfanworks
Summary: "Cas couldn’t say that he hated being human. There were too many good things about being able to think and feel. Even if thoughts came as they pleased and feelings crashed down like waves in a raging storm, it was worth it. It was worth it because there were too many moments, defined by a smile or a carefree laugh, that he couldn’t bear to give up."





	Somewhere Else

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for checking out my first ever supernatural fic! I've been working on this one for a while now and like the way it turned out. This fic is named after Razorlight's song "Somewhere Else", just because I thought it fitted in with the idea that Cas got kicked out of heaven and got stuck on earth. SO yeah! Enjoy and have a lovely day!

Being a human is complex.

There are thoughts, feelings, and choices. And Cas was having a hard time working through them all.

He hated trying to figure out what would cause him to feel things. It was strange that even though there was a distinct emotion, Cas couldn't pinpoint what event had started a neurochemical war inside his mind.

To be able to feel as a human was confusing, if anything. It was bizarre because his feelings directly impacted how he reacted to people. If he was upset, he had the capability to treat people so badly without even realising it. Amidst the haze of panic and hurt he might begin to shout at those he loved, his voice cracking from the emotion lodged in his throat.  
It seemed like he was at the mercy of his feelings. He had no control over them whatsoever and it was scary.

It was funny what emotions could do to you. They could make you scream, cry, smile and laugh. Maybe some all at once. And dealing with them was awful.

Cas had been on earth for years, a human for mere days, and he'd only just begun to grasp the concept of emotion.

The shift from heaven to earth was shocking. The helplessness he felt when he had his grace stolen was unbearable. He had nothing left that made him Cas. No wings and no powers. After the Angels fell, Cas had never been more afraid. With everyone out for his head and no way to fight, it was overwhelming.

The worst thing about feeling things was, well, feeling them.

Cas could feel his stomach sink when he was disappointed. He could feel his heart race with anger, his face burn hot with jealousy. He could feel his muscles tense with fear or butterflies explode in his stomach when he was nervous.

Some feelings were good though. Cas enjoyed the intensity of adrenaline, the giddiness of excitement. Cas loved the feeling of a weight being taken off his chest when he finally understood something. He loved the weightless feeling of drowsiness, or the faint embarrassment of flattery.

Being human wasn't all bad.

He tried making the most of the small things, grasping onto the loose feeling of happiness wherever he could find it.

There were a few things that made Cas happy.

Cas enjoyed long car rides with his friend Dean, music blasting through the speakers. Even if Cas wasn't a fan of the songs that were being played, the smile that his friend would shine at him while they raced down empty roads never failed to make Cas' stomach jump with exhilaration and excitement. 

He was particularly fond of looking at the flowers. Sometimes he would spend hours just gazing into the wildlife that bloomed around him. He was never the only one that spent time among the flowers though. Some small creature always accompanied him, especially bees. They absolutely fascinated him; he loved their tiny fuzzy bodies, the humming noises they made as they flew about. They were such noble creatures and Cas absolutely adored them.

He loved seeing his friends doing things they enjoyed; like sitting down to watch their favourite movie or cracking open a beer. Sometimes their face would light up when they saw a dog across the street or their shoulders relax when they took a bite out of their favourite food. 

It was the simple things that made him happy.

Cas found that his time with people became much more incredible when he could feel things for them. He didn’t even need to be in love with them to crave their company; he just liked being around people and feeling safe and wanted in their presence. Some of the time, Cas didn't even need to talk the entire time he was with them. He was content with their company and comfortable in their silences, and that was all that mattered.

He just loved the way he could look at his friends and feel like he was at home. They were a beacon of light and hope among the mess of earth.

There was a certain element of intimacy when it came to being human. They were comforting in ways Cas didn’t even realise; simply the act of a pat on the shoulder or someone rubbing his back would soothe him, calm his nerves a small bit. 

Even looking into his friend’s eyes were special. You could write a book about what you could see in someone’s eyes. There were explosions of colours, and everyone had a unique shade that shone bright when their eyes twinkled with a smile, or became fragmented when tears pooled. Maybe the sunlight would catch the emerald glint of Dean’s eyes, or the heat of a room made it seem like Sam’s chocolate coated iris would melt. 

Cas couldn’t say that he hated being human. There were too many good things about being able to think and feel. Even if thoughts came as they pleased and feelings crashed down like waves in a raging storm, it was worth it. It was worth it because there were too many moments, defined by a smile or a carefree laugh, that he couldn’t bear to give up.

Even if there were lows, Cas lived for the highs. Even if everything hit rock bottom, he knew that he would work through it. He knew that he could because humans are incredible, and he was blessed to be one. 

Even if his powers were stolen, they were exchanged for the gift of thought and the capacity to feel, and in the moments where nothing mattered but the smiles on his friends face, he never wanted to give it up.


End file.
